Ashley & Andre
We’ve been together 17 years and we’re just getting started…
Hi, We’re Ashley and Andre, We want to thank you for taking the time to read our letter as you are considering adoption. We will not pretend to understand the struggles and painstaking decisions that you are going through right now, but we know that you know that you will make the decision that is best for your heart and your child. We hope that this letter gives you a glimpse in to our everyday lives, and that you feel comfort in knowing our story.
Although we are only 34 and 35 years old, our story began in high school, and we are solidly together and ready to devote our lives to your child. You’ll come to know that through the years as we have evolved, we’ve always leaned on our love and support system to allow ourselves to grow and relearn one another. It’s that foundation of acceptance, and honesty that has allowed our lives to go wherever our path leads us. The very best part of our lives is being parents although we are not able to have another child on our own. Our 5 year old daughter Andrea is so excited about a baby brother or sister and we feel that our family is not complete. It is also the journey that has lead us to you. We want you to know that wherever this journey collectively takes us, you are possibly forever in our story.
A little about Ashley
I’m going to write in the first person because let’s face it we’re getting super personal. My life hasn’t been a storybook, but it’s given me a lot of the strength that I have today. My parents also met in high school, and I think it gave me a warped sense of fairy tales as a child, that I’ve come to learn is not so true as I’ve become an adult. I grew up in NY the youngest and had 2 older brothers. We were a working class family, and my dad worked 6 days a week to provide for us. I don’t think I could have been happier as a child until I found out that my mother was sick at the age of 7. She had had a complication from a previous surgery she had when I was younger, and it had never been resolved. She passed shortly before my 10th birthday, and I was just forced to grow up in a different lense than a lot of my peers.
I didn’t sweat the small things, because I knew that there were things that could be so much worse. I chose to bury my head in my books and in my sports, because that was how I chose to cope. My brothers had one another and my father always kept me extremely focused. My focus paid off and I received a scholarship to a prestigious middle school which opened my eyes to a world I never knew existed. The kids at my school lived a life that I had only ever seen on television, and from that moment on I knew that not everyone gets to play by the same rules. I learned their rules, knew the rules I grew up with, and I’ve used it to navigate my way through my career. Seeing this disparity of wealth has always also made me a huge advocate for my community. I’ve always been focused on giving some of this knowledge I have been able to receive to others, and make sure that I use my position to open doors for other people. The biggest disadvantage our community has is that we aren’t taught the rules in the first place. Whenever I can, I mentor current students, and I am fortunate enough to have a seat at the table where I can challenge some of the people making the rules on situations that seem unjust.
My father has always said, I became a social activist at the age of 5 when someone told me what a petition was. I never sat by and watched someone be mistreated, I’ve always used my voice, and it’s something that has served me well. Any opportunity that I have missed for using my voice or being honest is a situation that I wouldn’t want to be a part of. Generally I would say that even people who dislike me will always tell you that I’m an honest person, and I’m ok with that.
A little about Andre
I grew up in NY with an older and younger brother. Being the middle child I was pretty much always the mediator in the family. Having two brothers was good. We laughed a lot played, video games, and were close. We lived in a project building where everyone helped out one another. All the kids played outside and all the parents looked after everyone’s kids. My parents divorced when I was 9, and we had to move to Connecticut with my mom. My mom worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time to move us to Connecticut. It was a really different town and I just focused on my sports. I was really good, and I broke all sorts of records at my new school. I was popular, but I never felt I belonged there. Seeing my parents work so hard I just try to do right by them. Help out whenever I can. Make small things easier for them. My dad always instilled in me to stay focused. Don’t be a follower and always do what’s right so that’s just how I try to live my life. Just take care of those you love and be a good dude.
People always describe my personality as quiet and polite but mostly I just like to say I’m listening. I’m an observant guy, and I speak up when I need to. It’s gotten me where I need to be and served me well so far.
Contact us.
Feel free to contact us anytime. We’d love to get to know you and answer any questions you might have.
ashanddreadopt@gmail.com
Call or Text us at
(800) 605-0674
Howe we met
Ashley & Andre at a fondue dinner.
Andre and I met at house party on New Year’s eve in high school. I honestly don’t remember meeting him, but I’ve taken his word for it at this point because he remembers everything about me down to the guy that I was avoiding all night. He found my rejection tactics hilarious, and asked around about me until we reconnected a few months later.
We had a long distance relationship while I went to college, and Andre would make the drive to come visit every 2 weeks. Andre took a job working for the city, and the distance was difficult, but a necessary step in both of them learning to be their own adults. The college life and long distance was difficult. Ashley was very active on the college campuses and Andre was home hanging out with all of their friends, but it did teach the both of them the importance of communication.
When Ashley was in college Facebook was just starting, and you had to learn how to navigate a relationship through social media. Making sure we were always communicating was the key to making it through all of the drama that can come with being in a long distance relationship. After college Ashley and Andre took some time to just be friends again and evaluate what does being in a relationship mean as adults.
We wanted to make sure that we were making life long decisions based on what we wanted and not out of obligation of a relationship that may not be permanent. They quickly realized that being friends didn’t work for them, and discussed the possibility of marriage. They made a pact that they wouldn’t get married until after Ashley was over 25, they were financially independent from one another, and accepted one another as the adults they were and not the adolescents who they had fallen in love with.
A few years later we got married and realized that the only rules there are for marriage are the rules you make for yourself. Ashley had been raised by a single father, and Andre had been raised by a single mother. Although they had talked about marriage for a long time, talking about marriage and being in a marriage are 2 different things. We both realized we had unrealistic expectations because we had parents who did it all on their own. We had to relearn what marriage meant as a unit and for us based on who we were as people, and it is one of the best things we have ever done for ourselves. Our friends jokingly refer to us as the Carters and leave Black Love goals whenever we post a photo, but we are both quick to remind them it’s more than love it’s work. We work to be married, we work at our communication, we work for our family, and we work to achieve our reality whatever that may be.
Hi, I’m Andrea
I'm 5 years old and I can't wait to be a big sister. Every night when I say my prayers, I pray to God that I can have a brother or sister. We love to play sports, ride around town, and we have passes to the zoo, aquarium, and science museums. We have a really big family, so there's always a ton of people and things going on. I love having a big family, because it means lots of great food, lots of dancing, and lots of fun. Let me tell you some things you should know. Mom loves to throw a good party and there will always be family, friends, and food around. She also loves a matching outfit. So be prepared for color coordination on a regular basis. Dad, he's a softy and I can teach you all my tricks. He always makes sure you can see over a crowd. And most importantly every Friday night is family date night. Each week a different person gets to choose a restaurant.
Contact us.
Feel free to contact us anytime. We’d love to get to know you and answer any questions you might have.
ashanddreadopt@gmail.com
Call or Text us at
(800) 605-0674
Ashley at work
I’ve worked in the entertainment industry for years, and it makes sense as I was raised in the industry. My dad also works in the industry, and I guess it just sort of stuck. I’m the head of my department at a creative agency where we have launched movies, television shows, and brands all over the world. I also spend a great amount of time advocating for women’s rights, the rights of working moms, and mentoring people of color in the industry. Something that’s extremely important to me is the work life balance and making sure that my children have a safe place at my job. If my daughter doesn’t have school she is always welcome at my job, and so will your child. She has her own desk, the entire staff knows her, and I’m comfortable bringing her on set with me where she learns everyone's job. I try to show her as much as possible so she knows there are so many people that make a production work, and she has the ability to be any one of them if she wants to.
Andre at work
Andre has worked his way up through the ranks in the town we live in. He’s a supervisor for the town, and Ashley jokingly calls him the mayor because he seems to know and be adored by everyone. He oversees a small team of people who makes sure the town stays maintained, and works with the town officials and police department to make sure that everything is running smoothly.
Ashley from Andre
My world changed when I met my wife. I had a tingly feeling that I can’t describe. The first time I hung out with her no one told me she was going to be there. I saw her and I froze. While I was sitting in the car trying to build up the confidence to talk to her she all of a sudden comes up to my car and says hi and there was a really awkward silence. Once we started talking we were inseparable. Ash was the big bang in my life. We did things I never thought I would do in my lifetime. What made me fall in love with my wife is she has a big heart. She loves birthdays, Christmas, and holidays something I didn’t really have when I was growing up. She changed me. Enjoying Christmas with the whole family, putting socks on the mantle, having Sunday dinners with her whole family, and traveling around the world has been a blessing. On the day of our wedding, I was so nervous. The way she made me feel that day. I would marry her everyday if I could.
Andre from Ashley
When I first met Andre, I couldn't get over how good of a person he was. You just don't meet people like that anymore. No matter where I went and who we encountered they would always tell me I caught a good one. What sealed the deal for me was really his love of children. He's everyone's favorite uncle and he isn't afraid to be silly with the kids. He's always at the park playing tag, giving airplane rides, and down for a pretend adventure. I knew he was the man I wanted to raise my children with. I knew if I had a daughter he would show her how she should be treated, and I knew if I had a son he would have an amazing example of how a man can be strong and compassionate at the same time. Most importantly he is one of the only men I know who lets me be me. He isn't intimidated by my success and he is always rooting for me.
Contact us.
Feel free to contact us anytime. We’d love to get to know you and answer any questions you might have.
ashanddreadopt@gmail.com
Call or Text us at
(800) 605-0674
Andre’s family
Andre has a small family. His brother lives 5 minutes away so we get to see him a lot. Grandpa recently moved to Florida, so we try to see him during our spring break! Grandma is always up for a good arts and crafts project and of course a great tea party.
Ashley’s family
Ashley has a very large family, so there is always some sort of celebration. On Sundays, we have brunch and the grandkids have taken over Papa's basement as a giant playroom.
Christmas
The weekend after Thanksgiving we always put up our Christmas tree to the music of The Jackson 5 Christmas album and hot cocoa. We all get dressed in our matching pajamas and decorate the tree. We add a new ornament every year that we allow one of the children to pick out.
For Christmas we all head to my father’s house and celebrate together. We throw a big Christmas eve pajama party, and the entire family gets new pjs every year. It’s always been a great time, but as everyone has had kids it’s made the time more special. All of my nieces and nephews are really close and they rip and run around the house as one of the only nights where there’s tons of food, sweets, and no bed times. The kids decorate cookies and leave notes for Santa. We also host a cookie decorating party for Andre’s family at our house the day after Christmas. All of the kids decorate their own cookies and open presents.
Contact us.
Feel free to contact us anytime. We’d love to get to know you and answer any questions you might have.
ashanddreadopt@gmail.com
Call or Text us at
(800) 605-0674
Thanksgiving
For Thanksgiving, we typically take the younger grandchildren to Ashley’s father’s house and have a slumber party for the kids. All the best cooks in the family prep dinner the night before while the children play ,taste test desserts and watch movies together. On Thanksgiving we split our time between both families. Ashley’s family typically hosts a very early dinner as some of her siblings live far away. You can expect Papa’s famous mac and cheese, yams, collard greens, ham, turkey, cornbread, dirty rice, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes, string beans, banana pudding, sweet potato pie, and assortment of cakes, and a very full belly. Ashley’s dad is pretty famous for his mac and cheese and has an open door policy on thanksgiving. People preorder their pans of mac and cheese and plenty of cousins are known to stop by at 3 because dinner is always on time.
During the evening we head up to Andre’s family who usually has the festivities in full swing, Plenty of cousins from out of town are usually playing card games, having a dance contest, and telling jokes throughout the house. There’s always space for ribs, lasagna pineapple upside down cake and red velvet pudding when we get there. Andre’s mom has 3 sisters who all look alike and they are usually involved in an old school soul train line and showing off their grand kids to one another. Andre’s mom is know to be the dancer of the family and he and his brothers typically show out with her.
Halloween
We kind of go all out for Halloween. We do a family costume where we all match, and our daughter may or may not have about 3 costumes every year. We really enjoy the magic of the fall season and our neighborhood really goes all out for the kids. There's a yearly store window decorating contest, where the children can paint store windows. There's a Halloween Jamboree with a petting zoo, crafts performers, hay rides, bouncy castles, and food trucks that we go to with our local friends. We also go to an annual trunk or treat party at a local school that a friend works at.
Vacations
We visit a different country every year
Contact us.
Feel free to contact us anytime. We’d love to get to know you and answer any questions you might have.
ashanddreadopt@gmail.com
Call or Text us at
(800) 605-0674
Our Neighborhood
We live in a diverse community that is extremely family oriented. We have a pool and park right across the street from our house, and we spend our summers BBQing with the neighbors. We also live very close to the water and spend a lot of time in the summers at the pier. On the weekends, you can usually find as having breakfast at the farmers market. We go to one of the best private schools in the country and Ashley is an alumni there!
Me as a mom
This section has been one of the most difficult for me to write. As a mother, you want to know the mother your child is going to in her spirit. I write things all day for work, but I’m not a person who boasts about myself. I like to let people make their own opinions about me through action and regular conversation. I’ve always loved kids, and my house is always open to my nieces, nephews and god children. I’ve had a bit of practice as we have 6 God children and 9 nieces and nephews regularly making the rounds. I’m a mix of old school and new school in that I believe children thrive when they know their boundaries. We have rules and expectations for our house, but each child needs to be parented for who they are not just who you want them to be. I think one of the best things you can do as a parent is give your children the space to be their own person, and the worst thing you can do is allow them to believe that their wants are the only wants important in the world. I want my children to know they are always supported. They can tell me anything, and if there are consequences we will deal with those consequences together. I want my children to know that they always have options, and my job as their parent is to help them navigate not tell them where they are going.
The rules of our house are really simple. Always be respectful, listen before answering, the truth is always expected, always try your personal best, and be mindful of everyone in the house.
I think the most important thing you can give as a mom is unconditional love. I think it’s easy to say, but people love so differently from family to family that I will try to explain what that means to me. Unconditional love comes with no expectations. The way I love today and tomorrow will not change based on the behavior of the child. Love starts with action. I show my love through my food, my care, and my choices. Love builds through communication. We want our children to be able to respectfully communicate with us. Their hopes, dreams, fears, and criticisms are all very real to them and therefore real to us as parents. We don’t have to agree with the decision, but we do take the time to understand their perspective. Taking this time to communicate with them helps us learn to parent for who they are. The other important aspect of unconditional love in our home is experience. Your home is a feeling, it’s a safe space, it can be created wherever the people you love the most are. Children learn through their experiences. I believe good and bad experiences mold and shape the way you love in the future, and we want to make sure that the love we showcase in our house is the love they seek in the future.
Our Friends
Our friends are like family, to us. They have all known us since we were teenagers, and we've grown up with one another. We're blessed that we have all started having children at the same time, and that our children can experience one another from birth.
Sports
Ashley and Andre both grew up playing sports, and they love to hang out with friends and enjoy active time as a family. You can usually find as at one of the local fields on the weekends, playing and cheering on our friends. Ashley played field hockey basketball, and softball. Andre played football, ran track, and was on the swimming team.
Birthdays
Each year we try to do an experience as a family of the birthday person’s choice. We also do a birthday party with the extended family. Every year there is a different theme picked by the birthday person, as well as a portrait to capture the magic of the day. This year because of quarantine Andrea did 5 portraits and had an awesome tea party on zoom with all of her family and friends.
Although Andre and I balance one another’s personalities, the thing that has always been the glue in our relationship is our values. We were both raised to honor family, celebrate the beauty of our differences, and to lean on our support system through hard times. We were both raised in Christian families who placed a strong emphasis on building a personal relationship with God. Ashley’s grandfather actually built her family’s church in Virginia, and as with any family you know it’s time to clean up when you hear the gospel music playing on the weekends.
As a couple we place our core values in making sure that we always start with love. Children learn how to love from the way they see their parents love one another, and we make sure that we put a primary focus on the way that we relate to one another so that our child knows that no matter what situation occurs that we approach any conversation with understanding and love. Another core value is the value that we add to our communities. As African-Americans, being mentors in our communities to help young adults reach their full potential is extremely important to us. At any age, it is possible to serve your community with acts of mentorship and fellowship. We want to raise our children to love, respect, and give back.
Why Adoption?
When we tried to have our first child, we had fertility issues. Adoption was immediately on the table for us as something we wanted in our future. Ashley’s grandmother was a foster mother and has adopted members of her family, so we discussed the options of both fostering and adoption. After 2 years of fertility treatments, we had our first child, but the doctor recommended that we consider other options if we wanted to extend our family. A big part of being a part of a big blended family is that you learn that family is more than blood. Family is the bonds you grow with one another and the love you share.
If you’ve made it this far through our story, thank you for taking the time to get to know us. We hope that you feel our spirit through our photos and words. A promise that we can honestly make is that your child will be loved, nurtured, and safe. Your child will be supported in who they are destined to be, and we will all forever be connected in our journey. Families come in so many forms, and it takes all of our paths crossing to provide this foundation for your child to forge their own path and make their own story. We’ll do whatever we can to make sure they have what they need to thrive, and we hope that you know that your love is the base of that foundation. We also would love to speak with you and find out more about you. You will forever be a major part of our story, and we’d love to know whatever you feel comfortable sharing to make sure that we properly honor who you are.
A major part of getting to know you is what you’ve imagined the life of your child to be. We’d love to know your dreams, goals, and the life you want for your child, and we’d be happy to answer any questions that you might have to give you the peace of mind you need to make the best decision for you. As you’ve already discovered, being a parent is full of unexpected and hard decisions and opening up ourselves and our hearts to one another is something that will provide an eternal foundation of strength. We can’t wait to meet you.
With love,
Ashley & Andre
Contact us.
Feel free to contact us any time. You can call, text, or email to find our more about us.
Email us at
ashanddreadopt@gmail.com
Call or Text us at
(800) 605-0674
If you have any questions about us or the legal process feel free to contact our lawyer.
Suzanne B. Nichols, Esq.
1-800-255-1415
